Bernard Sumner: ‘I’m happier in myself. Better behaved. Less of a f***ing idiot’

He took a bath on ‘Blue Monday’, lost a pile in the Hacienda and was part of a scene that has become music myth. Bernard Sumner of New Order on living in the present

Back in the early 1980s New Order lost money on every copy of Blue Monday that they sold. “Only for the first 250,000 copies,” Bernard Sumner says. He laughs. “That’s not much mitigation, really, is it?”

Sumner is recalling when New Order and Factory Records were creatively thriving but simultaneously losing money on too expensive record artwork – the reason for the Blue Monday losses – and the financially leaky Hacienda nightclub, in Manchester. He also recalls Tony Wilson, the Factory boss, spending a fortune erecting a huge poster of Joy Division’s Closer overlooking Sunset Strip, “just because he loved the look of it”, and their manager Rob Gretton regularly saying, “Money’s not important.”

“But he was your manager,” I exclaim. “Your business manager.”

“He was, yeah,” Sumner says, chuckling. “Why did we put up with it? We didn’t really care about anything. That’s the only answer I can give. We didn’t really care about anything except our music and having a good time.”

He decides that this isn’t a good enough explanation, so he tries a few others. “People thought differently in those days,” he says, laughing. “The human brain was physiologically different in the 80s than it is now.”

He tries again. “There was the lead in the drinking water. We didn’t have mineral water in those days; we just had tap water.”

This sparks an improbable memory. “In Salford we had fish in our tap water. I remember one hot summer day, running to the toilet at playtime and dunking our heads in a sink full of water. I remember putting my head in and seeing all these little fish in it. When we were drinking tea we were drinking tea with fish in it . . . A friend said [his family] complained. A man from the council came around and said, ‘They won’t poison you. Don’t worry about it.’”

Sumner has been thinking a lot about the past. He’s just written a very entertaining memoir, Chapter and Verse, and as he talks about it he veers from a quiet, precise, almost flat tone to something approaching jocularity.

The most moving chapters recount a deprived childhood in Salford (one of the cities that make up Greater Manchester) living with his angry, disabled mother and her parents. “If I wasn’t writing it chronologically, I wouldn’t have tackled my childhood first,” he says. “It was the most difficult for me to revisit. My father ‘did one’, as they say in Manchester, before I was born. And my mother also suffered from cerebral palsy. Being a single mother in the late 1950s was a very shocking thing, and dreadful thing, for people.”

Sumner writes about his grandfather’s brain tumour, his grandmother’s blindness and the destruction of a working-class community. He wanted to write, he says, about the things journalists don’t ask about and a time and place that have gone.

‘Decimated the community’

“The council did a bit of ethnic cleansing,” he says. “They thought of the city in terms of bricks and mortar, not human beings. They decimated the community. They pulled Salford down . . . It was a bit like having your memories partially erased, because there was nothing I could go back and touch. The street’s not there. The school I went to isn’t there. Nothing’s there except the tarmac of the road.”

The only well-known people to have come out of his area, he says, were the actors Tom Conti and Albert Finney. One of his teachers said, “Creativity won’t do you any good where you come from. You’ll just end up in a factory.” “Well he was wrong,” Sumner says. “By the time I was leaving school there were no factories. There was no industry. We did not make anything any more. We still don’t.”


Did he feel as if he’d found kindred spirits when he met the other members of Joy Division? “We didn’t talk about those things,” he says, “which I guess is a bit odd. We all loved music. Every one of us was drawn to music . . . But we never talked about the underlying reasons. We felt like four individuals rather than a group, because we kind of all stood on our imaginary pedestals, doing our own thing. We were kind of like four solo artists.”

The music they created, he says, is a product of the Manchester of the time. “Landscape affects you. I say in the book that LA gave us the Beach Boys, Düsseldorf gave us Kraftwerk and Manchester gave us Joy Division. I’m not saying we were as good as those bands, but those bands were formed by the cities they lived in, and so were we . . . For years I was puzzled by why people loved Unknown Pleasures, because I find it quite a suffocating album.” He laughs. “I’m not selling it very well, am I? I remember being worried that people wouldn’t like it because it’s so heavy.”

Then he read John le Carré’s The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, “and the atmosphere in the book was so austere and suffocating, I suddenly understood . . . It was a place you didn’t really want to be, but you wanted to peer through the curtains at it from the safety of a book. I think that’s what people got out of Unknown Pleasures.”

Joy Division were also intrinsically bound up in the personality of their singer and lyricist, the brilliant, troubled Ian Curtis. He took his own life in May 1980.

“He had very bad epilepsy, which he controlled through very heavy barbiturates, which were very crude drugs in those days. And his psyche was in a state because of the barbiturates. There was a noticeable change in his personality after they started loading him up with drugs. He was quite volatile emotionally. One day he’d be crying and the next he’d be laughing. Even in one day he might go through strange mood shifts.”

Everyone, says Sumner, tried to help Curtis. The appendix of Chapter and Verse includes a transcript of a time Sumner hypnotised him. “We tried everything to help him,” he says, “because we didn’t want him to die or do something silly. We wanted to help him sort his problems out, and instead of sorting his problems out he just killed himself, and I must say it angered us. It wasn’t the way. He should have just retreated from the band, taken six months off or something, and just be left to work his life out.”

Madchester scene

After Curtis’s death Joy Division morphed into New Order, Sumner became the singer and they started to dabble in electronica. By the mid 1980s they co-owned the Hacienda and sat at the heart of dance culture and the burgeoning Madchester scene. “There was no great big plan,” he says. “All the people involved in the organisation – Tony and Rob and Alan Erasmus [the label’s co-owner] and Peter Saville [their graphic designer] and New Order – was having a great time.”

But Sumner was reaching burnout. “We were touring to keep the Hacienda afloat. It was sucking in thousands of pounds, and that was spoiling the fun. Rob and Tony wanted us to stay on the road to keep funding the club, and Hooky” – Peter Hook, New Order’s bass player – probably wanted to stay on the road too . . . And it burned me out.” He laughs again. “When I say it burned me out, my behaviour burned me out. I take full responsibility. I was caning it. But at the time I blamed the world, as you tend to do in those situations.”

He collaborated with Johnny Marr on Electronic. New Order broke up and reconvened (twice). Rob Gretton died in 1999 and Tony Wilson in 2007. Sumner talks with fondness about both men.

The scene they presided over has fallen into rock’n’roll myth. Films have been made about Joy Division (Control) and Tony Wilson (24 Hour Party People). New Order persist, albeit without the disgruntled Hook. “He’d always had resentment and competitiveness with me, and I didn’t understand that, because I’m not that way inclined,” Sumner says. “It just became worse and worse until it got too much.” He gives the party line: “He wasn’t happy in the band. We didn’t sack him. He went his own way. I hope he’s happy in his chosen career.” He sighs. “I’m trying to be diplomatic.”

Cummins Exhibition (1200 x 1747)

Dark subjects

Throughout Chapter and Verse Sumner writes about dark subjects with clarity and wit but rarely states how he feels. He laughs when I point this out. “The reason it’s so matter-of-fact,” he says, “is that I wanted to state clearly what happened. So I needed to take a step back from everything mentally, as if I was an observer in my own life . . . Some of the emotions are obvious anyway. I shouldn’t have to state that I was in bits when Ian died. It should be obvious.”

He also thinks that many of the harder memories don’t bear thinking about. “I’m not reflective at all,” he says. “I do cherish past memories, but I don’t dwell. I definitely, definitely live in the present. I always did . . . When you’re a young man you never think about being this age, because it’s such a horrible thought you turn away from it. But I think I’m more comfortable in my own skin now. I’m happier in myself. I’m better behaved. I’m less of a f***ing idiot.”

© Patrick Freyne


Strengthening Player – Natalie Curtis

Natalie Curtis the photographer and daughter of Ian Curtis (Joy Division) talking about how she stopped denying her love to Man City and explains about the family fever to Manchester City by revealing: ” Ian the man was a City supporter”. In Strengthening player I’m presenting a questionnaire with 12 questions to artists, musicians, writers  about their favorite team.


1. What you do in these days

” Photographer ”

2. Who is your favorite team around the globe?

” Manchester City “

3. How the love story with your team began?

” As a child I used to spend Saturdays with my paternal grandparents. When I was aged about 4 or 5, every week my grandfather would ask, “Who do we support?” Eventually I decided to support my mother’s team: Everton. My grandfather was disappointed that I didn’t choose City, and also pleased that I didn’t choose Manchester United. However, the Everton thing was not meant to be, I never even made it to Goodison.

Because I’m from Macclesfield I did go and watch Macclesfield Town a couple of times, but felt no affinity whatsoever. I had much more fun when my friend Chris and his brothers invited me to watch televised City matches with them. I remember the eldest brother John explaining that since my father grew up in the Hurdsfield area of Macclesfield, he must have supported City; therefore I could be an honorary City fan. Not long after that Rob Gretton (Joy Division and New Order manager) told me “Your great-grandad supported City, your grandad supported City, your dad supported City, I support City and you support City”. I teased him because at that point City were playing in the third tier, the same division as Macclesfield! Tony Wilson (Factory Records boss) suggested that I support Utd. I said that would never happen and that I hate Utd. Rob smiled and said, “See, you’re a Blue”. Yet I remained in denial, I think I just didn’t like being told what to do.

Luckily a few years later, when I was photography student, I introduced myself to photographer Kevin Cummins after a talk he did at an art gallery. He chatted about how he was documenting City’s final season at Maine Road and mentioned that he was looking for an assistant. The last time I saw Rob Gretton he told me to “Go to Maine Road”. So I took the job with Kevin and the rest is history. Once I got there it was clear that I really am a City fan. “

4. What is the peak moment with your team?

” Winning the Premier League last season. “


5. Who is your favorite player (doesn’t have to be from your team)? Why?

” Vincent Kompany. Aside from the fact that he’s an amazing player, he seems like a good guy, in Belgium they call him the “the gentleman of the pitch”. Off the pitch he comes across as being very intelligent and as though he has really embraced Manchester. Plus he would be great to photograph – he looks cheeky! I also have soft spots for David Silva and Edin Dzeko. “

6. What is the low moment with your team?

” 2006-7 My friend Stella and I went to a lot of games that season. Stuart Pearce was manager. My main memory is sitting in the freezing cold and everyone singing “Psycho psycho sort it out, psycho sort it out!” “

7. Which player you want to see playing in your team?

” Hmm, Mesut Ozil maybe, he impressed me during the last World Cup and Euro 2012. I have a massive crush on his Real Madrid teammate Iker Cassillas, but I wouldn’t want him to play for City, I love Joe Hart too much. “

8. Who you like to beat the most and why?

” Manchester Utd. Because they are Manchester Utd. “

9. If you were a player in a professional team what kind of player you might be?

” Goalkeeper. As a photographer I like the idea of being able to see the whole pitch and of following the action and being ready at exactly the right moment. “

10. Do you have any superstitions before games? Which?

” No, I don’t. Though I have food related traditions. If I’m with my friend Marc we go to a curry canteen pre-match. If I’m with Stella we eat cake. “

11. What are the shortcomings in supporting your team?

” I don’t think there are any. “

12 Which curse you use the most while watching a game?

” S**t or f**k. Though I said something much worse when Ronaldo scored in our Champions League match the other week. “

Football - FA Premier League - Manchester City FC V Manchester United FC

About Ian Curtis and Man City:

” Sadly the only photograph of my father in a football shirt is one of him as a little boy wearing a United top. For years I assumed that it was an England shirt.

But I have been told that it is actually a United shirt. I assume that as a child he was undecided. My paternal grandmother’s family support United, I imagine that his grandparents bought him the United shirt. But at some point he chose his father’s team because Ian the man was a City supporter. I know that my grandad took my father to matches. Even though she supports Everton, my mum secretly loves City (unless they are playing Everton) after being married to my dad. My favourite thing she has told me is that my father’s ambtion was to live within walking distance of Maine Road. He couldn’t drive but instead of learning to drive he wanted a house near the football ground! “

© Offside Stories

Talking Manchester United with… Peter Hook

On Friday June 21st, Peter Hook & The Light will be the main attraction of an FAC 51 Hacienda club night at London’s Coronet venue, where they shall perform a “New Order Electronic Set” as part of a bill that also includes 808 State, Super White Assassin and a selection of DJs including Hooky himself.

In celebration of this forthcoming treat, Football Burp caught up with the legendary erstwhile Joy Division and New Order bassist for a natter about his beloved Manchester United.



What do you think of the appointment of David Moyes as Sir Alex Ferguson’s successor?

Well, it’s like me stepping into Ian Curtis’s shoes. I know how David feels. “If Peter Hook can do it with Ian Curtis, I can do it with Sir Alex”: that’s what he’s saying now! (Laughs) It might take him six months, eight months before he enjoys it, but I tell you what: if I can do it, he can bloody do it. It’s easy stepping into Bernard Sumner’s shoes: all I had to do was be a bit effeminate! (Laughs) Sir Alex will be there all the time, just like Bobby Charlton.

Do you have a favourite Sir Alex memory?

I’ve got many, actually. My best Alex Ferguson memory is from when I’d just become single again after my terrible divorce from Mrs Merton. I went out one night to a club in Manchester, it was the opening night, and my mate who worked for the Evening News was there. He asked how I was, I said I’d not had a good time, so he said, “I know what will cheer you up, come and have your picture taken with Sir Alex!”

I was going, “What? He doesn’t know me,” but he said, “He ****ing loves Joy Division, come on!” Anyway he dragged me over, plonked me next to Sir Alex and had our picture taken – then, when the photographer had finished and moved away, Sir Alex turned to his mate and said, “Who the fuck’s this?” I’ve loved him ever since!

He supposedly did that special playlist for his last match at Old Trafford against Swansea, and “True Faith” by New Order was on it.

Do you think Wayne Rooney should be sold?

The trouble with all these players these days is that they are like mercenaries, aren’t they? They’re chasing money more than loyalty and I think that these people stick out at United because Sir Alex generally doesn’t like them. He gave Rooney the benefit of the doubt in a nice, fatherly way, so maybe now he feels differently. David Moyes had trouble with Rooney, too, didn’t he? Sued him over his book. What it comes down to is that Rooney’s not man enough to give it a go.

I live near Winslow and actually share a dry cleaner with Sir Alex. I once went in and the guy said, “Do you want to see the pizza on the jacket?” [Referring to the infamous ‘pizzagate/Battle of the Buffet’ incident between United and Arsenal in 2004] He took out the jacket and showed it me! I said, “How many people have you shown that to?” He said, “Hundreds.” I said, “You better get it cleaned, he could be in for it in a minute!”

Also, I used to live next door to David Beckham here in Alderley Edge, and he used to drive around in a Harley Davidson truck, an SM50 Chevy pickup truck, and the kid working at the garage in Alderley Edge was a New Order fan. Every time I’d go in to fill my car up, he’d say to me, “Guess what Beckham told me today!” Beckham used to go in and talk to the garage attendant – I think he must have been a bit lonely! – then I’d go in and the kid would tell me all the secrets that Beckham had just told him.

Would you be able to name the first, best and worst games you’ve ever been to?

It’s funny, I gave up my season ticket because United were so bad. It was about four seasons ago, maybe five, and they were playing so badly that I felt insulted at being a season ticket holder. Luckily I’ve got a couple of mates who’ve got tickets so occasionally I get to go, and I went to see the Middlesbrough match recently, which was diabolical! They are like a Jekkyl and Hyde team: sometimes they’re absolutely fantastic, other times they can be absolutely ****ing abominable.

Amazingly, City did a very good impression of United when they played Wigan in the cup final! The way United sometimes play when they’re really infuriating, it was like that. That was the longest three minutes of my life, the time between Wigan scoring and the final whistle going. I was so happy our noisy neighbours will be quiet for a while.

Finally, if you had to select a five-a-side team out of all the United players you’ve seen in your time as a fan, who would you pick?

George Best, Beckham, Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes. I used to see Giggs, Scholes and all the young players at the Hacienda all the time. It’s amazing to think what a part of your history they were, and what a part of their history you were. They’d all be letting onto me so they could get into the Hacienda! How times have changed.

© Football Burp

Get Hooked: Peter Hook On Joy Division, Ian Curtis, And Manchester City

If somebody created a version of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” for Manchester musicians, Peter Hook would probably be Kevin Bacon. We grabbed ourselves a place in the Hooky-verse when we got the former Joy Division and New Order bass player on the phone in Majorca. Despite what they tell you elsewhere, he’s not sarcastic at all …

Hi Peter.
Well you’ve got the right accent for Beijing, haven’t you?

And you’ve got the right accent for Majorca, I suppose. Anyway, you wrote a book called How Not to Run a Club. Any advice for Beijing club owners? We were lucky at The Hacienda in that we never did it for money, so we were able to be arty. But you have to find a balance between art and making money. When I played in Beijing – Babyface, was it? – about five years ago, the scene was just opening up. They were trying to blind everyone with technology, which was the wrong approach.

Joy Division are one of the bands most often cited by Beijing bands as an influence on their sound. Is that something you’re aware of?
No, but I’m flattered. Joy Division have been such a huge influence around the world, it’s quite humbling. When we started out in that horrible rehearsal room in 1977, you didn’t care about the rest of the world. That wasn’t our “raison d’etre” as it were. We were doing it to get out of Manchester. And I suppose we achieved that. It’s humbling, but it doesn’t get you through the day, does it?

Joy Division’s standing seems only to have gotten bigger over the years. Why do you think that is?
You have to say it’s the songs. There’s the sense that it’s all about Ian Curtis taking his life and the myth around that. When you look at Amy Winehouse, yes, that still has an allure. But “Love Will Tear Us Apart,” “Transmission” – the songs all sound as fresh now as 30 years ago.

And which one line, of all Ian Curtis’ lyrics, holds the most truth for you?
Now I’m singing Joy Division songs, I appreciate his craft much more. I see the clever little tricks he used. Other people don’t use the same word twice in a song. Ian Curtis would use the same word four times. The one that stands out for me is the line “How I wish you were here with me now,” from “In a Lonely Place.” There’s something agonizing, tantalizing, to think that was the last thing he wrote.

Is there any one bassline you wish you’d written yourself?
I don’t really compare very often. But that Fleetwood Mac one that’s the Formula 1 theme tune on the BBC [That’d be “The Chain” – Ed.]. I’m probably just jealous. I’d love my bassline to be the Formula 1 theme.

And one you’re glad you did write yourself?
Many. But I’d pick out “She’s Lost Control.” My son plays bass as well, and he’s 21 now, the same age I was when I wrote that bassline. He’s playing the bass on the Unknown Pleasures tour I’ve been doing, and every time I hear him play that I’m very proud. The thing was, when we started out, the bass was always in the background, and I was like “fuck that” – I wanted to change that, get us bass players out in front and do the main thing, do the main melody, be as loud as the guitarists.

You’ve been criticized and had your share of bad press in the UK. With the phone hacking scandal that’s going on just now, what’s your opinion of the British media?
Haha. The thing is by being “rock & roll,” I’ve got a pass. Unlike if you’re a politician, journalist, doctor, whatever, the media forgive you if you’re rock & roll, so I’m in the enviable position of being able to get away with things. they caught me full of coke, in bed with two prostitutes, or something like that, I’d be forgiven. That media hacking thing, it probably grew from some small idea, but then when you get to what happened with Milly Dowler – that’s disgusting. They just went too far. It’s like they say, power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. So maybe they need knocking down, like some government or something.

What about if you were the Prime Minister of Britain, what would be the first thing you’d do?
You know, if you’d asked me this 30 years ago, it’d have been a very different answer. It’d have been all-night drinking, free this, free that. I’d be more realistic now. You’re chosen to look after your people, so you’ve got to be fair, and got to be honest.

Assuming you have no influence in the matter, what do you think they’ll write on your gravestone?
My kids know what to write, I’ve already told them. “Here is Dad” – that’s pretty much it.

You always seem to have had a flair for taking the piss a bit, winding people up. Where does that come from?
That’s a Northern thing, you should know that.


I suppose so. Finally then, as a Manchester United supporter, how do you rate United’s “noisy neighbors” and their chances for the new season?
The thing I love about Manchester City is they’ll always be City. They’ll always be the underdog. And them right now, it’s like they’re rummaging around in dustbins and they’ve found somebody’s wallet. But United will always have that bit of class that City will never have. You can’t buy class.


© Iain Shaw

30 anos depois Ian Curtis ainda é uma referência


É impensável imaginar a cultura pop das últimas três décadas sem a figura de Ian Curtis. Porquê? Só nos últimos dez anos vimos nascer uma série de grupos que certamente não teriam sido os mesmos se, por mero acaso, Curtis nunca se tivesse juntado a Peter Hook, Bernard Sumner e Stephen Morris e formado os Joy Division. Dos Interpol aos Bloc Party, passando pelos Editors, Mount Sims ou The National, todos incorporam claras influências do grupo nascido em Manchester no final dos anos 70.

No entanto o músico só precisou de gravar dois álbuns com os Joy Division para marcar para sempre os caminhos da música popular. Não é por isso de admirar que o tema Love Will Tear Us Apart, o maior sucesso do grupo, se tenha tornado numa das canções que mais vezes foi reinterpretada por outros nomes que não os Joy Division, dos Smashing Pumpkins aos Nouvelle Vague até aos portugueses Moonspell.

Nos últimos anos vimos também um despontar de filmes centrados na figura de Ian Curtis e/ou da banda em que se celebrizou. Em 2008 chegou às salas de cinema o documentário de Grant Gee simplesmente intitulado Joy Division. Como seria de prever, este título faz um percurso pela história dos quatro músicos de Manchester que, segundo reza a lenda, depois de verem um concerto dos Sex Pistols a 4 de Junho de 1976, decidiram formar uma banda. Primeiro com o nome Warsaw (inspirado no tema Warsawa de David Bowie), e mais tarde adoptando o nome Joy Division.

Se o documentário de Grant Gee se foca na história do grupo, já Control (2007), realizado por Anton Corbijn, é concretamente um biopic de Ian Curtis, baseado na biografia escrita pela mulher do músico, intitulada Carícias Distantes (editada em Portugal em 1996 com tradução de Ana Cristina Ferrão). O actor britânico Sam Riley, nascido em 1980, interpretou o músico que se suicidou nesse mesmo ano. Já a história de Anton Corbijn não se faz sem referir os Joy Division, uma vez que o holandês é não só autor de algumas das fotografias mais emblemáticas do grupo, como chegou mesmo a realizar um teledisco para Atmosphere, oito anos depois da morte de Curtis.

O seu suicídio é um daqueles momentos que se tornou lenda na história da cultura pop. Ninguém pode afirmar ao certo as razões que o levaram a tomar essa decisão nas vésperas dos Joy Division iniciarem uma digressão pelos EUA e que significaria também um “salto” para um maior mediatismo. E como várias vezes já aconteceu na história da música popular, foi somente depois da trágica morte do cantor que os Joy Division começaram a ter uma maior projecção global.

Não são raros os casos de músicos que assumem publicamente que não teriam sido os mesmos sem ouvir Ian Curtis. Inclusivamente em Portugal. Basta recordar as palavras de Pedro Oliveira, vocalista da Sétima Legião, que chegou mesmo a dizer: “Ouvi-o (Ian Curtis) cantar e aquilo mudou a minha vida”.

A importância que o músico e os Joy Division tiveram na cultura popular, muito pela reinvenção pop de que foram responsáveis, foi claramente registada em 2002 no filme 24 Hour Party People, de Michael Winterbottom. O filme foca-se essencialmente no movimento musical que nasceu em Manchester no final dos anos 70 à volta da editora Factory, e mesmo que os Joy Division só tenham existido até ao dia da morte de Curtis, eles foram dos grandes protagonistas do que então se viveu.


© João Moço



“Shape without form, shade without colour”

Dear Annik

I know I’m intruding on your life, not you on mine. I felt as if things were becoming a bit clearer earlier on, but can now see everything falling to pieces before my eyes. I’m paying dearly for past mistakes. I never realized how one mistake in my life some four or five years ago would make me feel how I do. I struggle between what I know is right in my own mind and some warped truthfulness as seen through other people’s eyes who have no heart and can’t see the difference anyway.

I saw Apocalypse Now at the cinema. I couldn’t take my eyes away from the screen. On the record, there’s Marlon Brando reading The Hollow Men, the struggle between man’s conscience and his heart until things go too far, get out of hand and can never be repaired. Is everything so worthless in the end? Is there anymore? What lies beyond? What’s left to carry on?

I have the feeling the epileptic condition will worsen. It frightens me. It’s a lie to say I’m not afraid anymore. There’s nothing the doctors an do but try tablets. I felt I had to tell you this even though it might change your feelings for me. I’ve been thinking of you constantly, trying to rationalize our situation, thinking of the things we’ve done. Images and thoughts prey on my mind before my eyes all times of the day and night. And while some things are beyond my understanding, I know that I love you and will do forever.

Until I see you again. I miss you with all my heart.

All my love,